18. QUICK RESET:  Why you are bad at asking for help and what to do instead

If the words ‘let me know if you need anything’ make you panic instead of feel supported — this one’s for you. This Quick Reset is a nervous system-level sigh of relief for the mums who feel safest surviving in silence. If you’ve ever shut down instead of speaking up, snapped when someone finally offered to help, or felt like asking for support meant erasing your worth — this episode will hit home. Hard. We unpack the trauma behind “I’ve got it,” the invisible legacy of pathological self-reliance, and how masking your needs became part of your personality. But it’s not who you are — it’s what you learned. It’s time to stop waiting until burnout to be visible. This episode offers small scripts, mindset shifts, and reframes that make asking for help feel less like failure — and more like a form of love. ✨ IN THIS RESET: Why asking for help feels like failure (especially for high-functioning women) How ‘good girl conditioning’ trained you to suppress needs Why no one notices you're struggling — and why that’s not your fault The trauma loop of independence, silence, and resentment Scripts to ask for support without shame When your meltdown isn’t about dinner — it’s about years of invisible labour Rewiring your worth away from being useful Real-life strategies to pre-negotiate support (before the spiral) Giving yourself the grace to stop performing strength 💭 This episode is for you if:– You say “I’m fine” when you’re not — and no one calls your bluff– You wait for a breakdown to finally say “I need help”– You want to rest before you collapse, but don't know how to start 🔬 References  Dr. Kristin Neff, Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself (2011) – particularly chapters on caregiving and gendered expectations. Neff, K. D., & Germer, C. K. (2018). The Mindful Self‐Compassion Workbook. Guilford Press. 📚 RELATED RESOURCES: Free ADHD Medication Advocacy Guide Other Quick Reset Episodes: S3E8 Advocating for Your Child Shouldn’t Break You — But It Often Does: Spotify | Apple Podcast S3E10 Why am I bracing for impact when nothing is wrong?: Spotify | Apple Podcast S3E12 I can’t stop snapping when my child does this one thing: Spotify | Apple  S3E14 I Cancel Plans Because I Don’t Have the Energy to Fake My Personality: Spotify | Apple  S3E15 He wants the Maldives but we can't even manage the park: Spotify | Apple S3E16 No meds, No plan, and no help..... but yet they're still calling us undiagnosed: Spotify | Apple S3E17 QUICK RESET: How we survive the 3- 6:00 PM shit show when kids are coming down off meds. Spotify | Apple 🧠 TOPICS COVERED IN THIS EPISODE: asking for help, ADHD mums, good girl conditioning, emotional labour, burnout, pathological self-reliance, support scripts, parenting shutdown, masking, trauma-informed parenting, help refusal, co-regulation, overfunctioning, performance parenting, ADHD and motherhood, emotional suppression, boundaries, unmet needs, meltdown cycle, maternal overload, neuroaffirming support.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.