Leah decided in her 20s to not have children. But today, she finds herself in a relationship with someone who has two of them. She never wanted kids but finds herself attempting to be the kind of parent she always wanted and needed. However, in her quest to be a perfect adult, she's losing her relationship with her own desires, wishes, and boundaries. You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here. You can also see Vienna live on March 21 in Washington DC. Tickets for the event are here.


Mark Groves and Kylie McBeath stop by and discuss transformational moments in their relationship. They have a new book called “Liberated Love.” Mark hosts The Mark Groves Podcast and Kylie shares daily teachings on relationships and embodied liberation. This is the final episode of This Keeps Happening, season 1. We’ll be taking a break from the show for now. If you would like to stay in touch, you can follow Vienna on Instagram at @mindfulmft, join her free newsletter, or grab a copy of her national best-selling book, 'The Origins of You.'


Named: Mark Groves and Kylie McBeath on breaking up and coming back together

Jen feels like she never mattered to her father. He’s extremely reactive and their dynamic has been emotionally damaging for her over the years. Even though she wants to maintain strong boundaries, she feels pressure to make amends as he gets older and enters the final chapters of his life. You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here. 


Navigating boundaries with an aging parent

Paige has a complicated dynamic with her mother. For years, she’s felt leaned upon and pressured to over give in the relationship. She also had to navigate a severe rupture of trust. When Paige was a child, her mom told her that the man who raised her wasn’t her biological father.  Today, Paige wants to heal and set new boundaries with her mother. But now a mother herself, she worries that becoming more distant could mean her son won’t have a relationship with his grandmother.  You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.


I'm struggling to set boundaries with my mom

Wellness artist Tracy G shares her endless passion for healing and self-growth. She also reflects on moments that shaped how she shows up in relationships and how trust is an ongoing practice. In a periodic series called ‘Named,’ Vienna speaks with friends and thought leaders about their origin wounds and their path towards healing. You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.


Named: Tracy G on re-learning to trust yourself

I made a big sacrifice. Now I’m worried I’ve lost myself

Kaitlyn Bristowe stops by to talk about a lifelong journey. The host of “Off The Vine” and former Bachelorette shares how it feels being misunderstood online, journaling and self-acceptance. In a periodic series called ‘Named,’ Vienna speaks with friends and thought leaders about their origin wounds and their path towards healing.You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.


Named: Kaitlyn Bristowe on her journey to self-acceptance

Jackie has a hard time allowing herself to be human, to be imperfect. She cheated in her current relationship. Though her partner has forgiven her, she has really struggled to forgive herself.  She's stuck in a loop of self-blame and punishment and holds a story that since no one else has punished her, she must be the one who does.  Growing up she felt like she had to be a good girl, which was exacerbated after her father was in a serious car crash. It left him with a brain injury that changed his personality and made him reactive and verbally abusive. As a result, Jackie shifted into someone who pleased, who was perfect. Although Jackie knows that perfection isn't possible, she still struggles to allow herself grace when she makes mistakes.You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.


I cheated and can’t forgive myself

Carol is in a relationship that feels deeper than anything she's experienced before, and yet she feels emotionally misunderstood. When there's conflict, she doesn't know how to navigate it and feels frustrated with herself for closing down and disconnecting. Growing up, Carol didn't have healthy examples of dealing with conflict. She felt distant from her mother, who struggled with addiction and wasn't present in her life from six years old on. And she was raised by her father, who would give her the silent treatment in conflict. When Carol would ask questions about her mother and her parents' relationship in history, he wouldn't provide answers or clarity, leaving her feeling internally lost and confused. She constantly asks herself why knowing matters and why feeling matters, but ultimately does know that that's her path to change.You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.


I feel misunderstood in my relationships

This week, Vienna speaks with her husband and founder of ManTalks Connor Beaton. This is the debut episode of a new periodic series called ‘Named,’ where Vienna speaks with friends and thought leaders about their origin wounds and their paths towards healing. In this episode, Connor shares how his parents’ separation affected him deeply. He struggled academically, romantically, and eventually made a profound transformation. He discusses some of the tools he used to get to where he is today, which is a place he wouldn’t have imagined possible a decade ago. You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.


Named: Connor Beaton on the practice of becoming an honest man

Beth is afraid of following in her mother's marriage footsteps. Her mother was married five times, and Beth finds herself contemplating a third divorce. At times, Beth is unclear about what she's actually trying to resolve. It's easy to get lost in the details and miss out on connecting with self, which in this case is quite appropriate for the goal that Beth doesn't even know she needs to set. But by the end of our conversation, she recognizes that she's been operating within the framework that in order to have a relationship with someone else, she must disconnect from feeling her own pain. You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.


I'm scared of getting divorced again

America recently went through a breakup, and it’s opening old wounds around the complicated relationship she had with her father. There's a lot she wishes she could have said to him before his death. She grew up in an environment where talking about your feelings wasn't safe, and that avoidance has come with her into her adult life. This breakup is confirming all of the original narratives she's held about perfection and herself. We start this conversation talking about the breakup, what's familiar about it, and what keeps her from being able to see herself differently.You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.


I feel like I have to be perfect in order to be loved

Blu has a complicated relationship with her mom. Her parents got divorced when she was 12 years old, which is also around the time that sexual abuse started with her dad. Blu's mother never fully acknowledged what happened to her. She just made rash decisions on Blu's behalf and continued to stay distracted and preoccupied with work and a new love. Blu struggles with complicated family dynamics, wishing she could’ve had the mother she always needed, and wonders how to proceed.You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.


I wish my relationship with my mom was different

Anne is in a new relationship and it’s scary. All of the alarms are going off that want to keep her far away from closeness and intimacy. There’s fear of abandonment and it's hard for her to show emotion with this new partner. When she was younger, she was abandoned. After her parents' divorce, Anne started to use alcohol and drugs as a way to escape her sadness. She was kicked out of the home at 13 and told to go live with her father. Anne has struggled to trust that people care about what she's feeling. Although parts of her new relationship feel good, this unfamiliar territory often has her getting closer and then wanting to move further away for fear of being abandoned. Anne will learn that trust isn't something you can think your way to, it’s something you have to feel your way to.You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.


I’m scared of my partner leaving me

Sophie gets lost in the details trying to understand why she is the way that she is, and worries about not being able to follow through on change when it presents in the future. She moves away from just connecting with the here and now, making space to feel and experience what's true for her. In the conversation, we find ourselves going around in circles a bit until she has a breakthrough. It's remarkable the shift that happens when we take just one thing off the table. You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.


How to not lose yourself when you’re in a relationship

We’re taking a couple weeks off for the holidays so we can rest, relax, and spend time with family and friends. We’ll be back with another new episode on January 10th.  You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.


Taking a break for the holidays

Caroline recently found out that her mom was cheating on her stepdad. Although she's able to celebrate what she calls her mom's newfound freedom, she also feels scared about becoming less important to her. Caroline doesn't make space for her emotional experience with anyone because the risk of upsetting them, disappointing them, or hurting them is too intolerable. We start the conversation talking about the situation with her mom and how she's struggling to navigate the changes to her family, as well as her role with each of them.You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.


You can be messy and still be loved

Beach is 41 years old and six months pregnant with her first child. She has a challenging relationship with her father, who was a big source of pain for her. She's feeling anxious about giving birth and becoming a parent. There's a moment in her life where her trust in herself gets deeply damaged, and we recognize in this conversation that it has yet to be restored. You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.


I’m about to become a mom and I’m terrified

Like many couples, Michelle and Dan struggle to communicate, especially when one of them is dealing with something difficult. Often when Michelle is upset, Dan feels completely lost on how he can help. Because he hasn't felt successful in all of his attempts, he winds up shutting down. He wants to fix, solve and solution, and it's just not what she needs. If you love someone, of course you want to help relieve them of their pain. But this race to relief is blocking something so important for both of them. We begin the conversation trying to understand why this pattern keeps happening.   You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.


My partner shuts down when I get upset

Work causes Russ a lot of anxiety. He says he can't trust his managers and often feels undervalued. At his current job, he's had seven different managers. After decades of stress, just wishing he could find a good manager, he's wondering if maybe that's not the real issue. And maybe, he has a part in all of this.  You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.


My bosses always undervalue me and I can’t stand it

We’re taking this week off so we can enjoy time with ourselves and family and friends. We’ll be back with another new episode next week.If you’re interested in being on the show, call 206 9 V-I-E-N-N-A. Leave a voice message with an alias and the best time to reach you. Guests will remain anonymous to listeners.You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.


Taking a break this week

Skyler came in with a deep desire for partnership. She wants to find a relationship that makes her feel safe, free and joyful. However, during our discussion, we uncover something holding her back from feeling whole. This episode contains explicit language. You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.


I don't feel complete without a partner

MT struggles in creating space to have and honor her needs. She’s avoidant, she deflects and uses humor to distract away from her pain. Deep down, she’s hurting after a recent breakup where she had to keep their relationship hidden, even though she didn’t want to.  We begin the conversation by discussing the end of MT’s first significant relationship, which has prompted some serious examination into her own patterns.  You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here. 


I was forced to keep my relationship hidden

Elizabeth is a 41 year old woman who has gone through some major transitions in the last six years including weight loss surgery and a career change. She has historically struggled with her worthiness, but now believes truly that she is indeed worthy. That said, she doesn't think other people see it, which is reflected in her dating life. The biggest transition of her childhood was when her mom was in a critical car accident when she was five years old. Elizabeth struggles to see what's blocking her from not just creating the life and relationship she wants, but actually permitting it. We begin the conversation by discussing the impact of her mom’s accident. You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.


I finally feel worthy, but there's something else blocking me from the life I want

Jill was raised by her mother, who was a single parent for the majority of her childhood. But six years ago, she found out something shocking, and it caused a deep confusion within her, especially because her mother was unwilling to give her answers to any of her questions. There was pressure to present in a way that her mom wanted her to, and if she stepped outside of line in any way, she was painted as a bad person. We begin the conversation with the moment when Jill found out a life-changing secret.   You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.


A family secret revealed

It seems like everyone and everything just sets Randi off. Everything annoys him and makes him angry and he doesn't know why. So, he called us with a very specific goal. He doesn't want to be a jerk anymore.  One thing to know about Randi: He's a long term caretaker for his wife. She has multiple sclerosis and her condition has been worsening. He doesn't know how to share his pain and he says he doesn't even know what sharing pain looks like. From my perspective, it's hard for Randi to connect with the emotions beneath his annoyance. We start this conversation inquiring about what the annoyance is actually trying to communicate to him.  You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.


I don't want to be a jerk anymore

Today, I’m speaking with Charlotte. She's gone through a lot of transition in the last six months, including becoming a mother and finding out a terrible secret in her partner’s family. At the start of our conversation, she was focused on her partner and his family. She was mindful and attentive to their experiences, but I couldn't find her or her experience within all the changes she was navigating. For a long time, Charlotte had to hide her authentic self, an act that built up rage and resentment.  Although she was initially focused on boundary setting, we pivoted towards her fears of having to exist alone in the world. What would happen if she fully revealed herself instead of trying to control her partner? As you listen, I'd love for you to reflect on where in your life you're not fully revealed and what you're trying to protect by hiding.  In this episode, the topic of sexual abuse comes up. Although this is not the focal point of the conversation, I’d love for you to take care of yourself as you listen.  You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.


I’m afraid to hate my partner’s family

Today, I’m speaking with a married couple, Jess and Ekko. Those are their aliases. The past few years have been challenging for their relationship. Between the pandemic and pregnancy losses, they had a hard time communicating through their sadness and grief.  Jess and Ekko separated for about a year, and only recently decided to give their relationship another chance.    You can order Vienna's National Best Seller 'The Origins of You' here and you can get a signed copy here.


We separated, but now we’re back together and trying to make it work

Today I’m speaking with Michelle, that’s her alias. She’s an open book, but she struggles to trust others. She can create the illusion of connection for others, but then shuts her own pain down. She does this to protect and manage the emotional experience of others. She tragically lost her father at 14 and dealt with self blame, which often shows up as failure for not being who people needed her to be. It’s so common to find ways to disconnect or distract away from our hurt. Have you ever distracted away from what needs tending to?   


Why would I ever tell someone what I need? That’s letting them know your weakness

I have a special sneak peek for you. This is an exclusive clip from a conversation with a guest we’re calling Charlotte. That’s her alias. She finds herself struggling with a need for control. Although it can be challenging to examine exactly where that need comes from, Charlotte is willing to take a look. On the show, I have one-time conversations with anonymous strangers about a challenge that they’re facing in their lives and relationships. You’re going to hear real, intimate conversations with people sharing their struggles and their truth. Hear full episodes beginning September 27.


Extended Sneak Peek From My Show

If we can be brave enough to face our patterns, a lot of beautiful healing work can happen. I’m Vienna Pharaon, a licensed marriage and family therapist and author of “The Origins of You,” which explores how to break family patterns so that you can create the life and relationships you’ve always wanted. In my new podcast This Keeps Happening, hear me speak with anonymous strangers every week about the challenges they’re facing. It all starts September 27.


Home

Discover

Sign up for free to listen for longer

Home

Discover

Sign up for free to listen for longer

I made a big sacrifice. Now I’m worried I’ve lost myself

Mark as played

Share

About the episode

View all episodes