Just like when Rosie was little, something about Mum calling her 'darling' calmed her down. After spending almost a month in a mental home, that's exactly what host Rosie Waterland needed. And Lisa understood that. She was the only person in Rosie's life who understood what she was going through. So with Lisa's help, Rosie jumped on a plane to Dubbo and was soon being cared for by Mum with roast chicken and cheesy potato bake. Lisa might not have always been there for Rosie in life; but this week, this one week, she was. 

But Rosie couldn't help but think how she had seen her Lisa in just as much pain only a few years back, and at that point Rosie had left mum on her own. This look back is about these two moments in Rosie and Lisa's lives. 

If any of this episode causes distress or concern, please contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or at www.lifeline.org.au or contact your health care professional.

Based on Rosie Waterland's book 'The Anti-Cool Girl'. Buy it here: https://rosiewaterland.com/books/
Find Rosie on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RosieWaterlandOnline/
Follow Rosie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rosiewaterland/
Follow Rosie on Twitter: https://twitter.com/rosiewaterland

The final episode! Host Rosie Waterland's spent a lifetime struggling to understand why she wasn't a cool kid, constantly wondering just what she was missing. From her early days trying to hide her poo pants from her sister's friends, to later days doing drugs and pretending to enjoy sex with boys who were terrible at it, she now confesses that she was always fixated on trying to impress everyone around her.

Then for a very brief and exhausting moment, Rosie found herself on the inside looking out. That moment then followed with her writing her first book 'The Anti-Cool Girl' and now this series where she has been able to look back on her life with the woman who knows her better than anyone else. This final episode looks back at all that they have spoken about, how it all ties in together and where that leaves Rosie and mum Lisa's relationship from here.

'Mum Says My Memoir Is A Lie - The Live Event' is in Melbourne, Perth and Sydney in April and May. Tickets available now at http://www.frontiercomedy.com/rosiewaterland

Based on Rosie Waterland's book 'The Anti-Cool Girl'. Buy it here: https://rosiewaterland.com/books/
Find Rosie on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RosieWaterlandOnline/
Follow Rosie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rosiewaterland/
Follow Rosie on Twitter: https://twitter.com/rosiewaterland

Chapter 22: you will become an anti-cool girl

When you're twenty-seven years old and realise that you have no clue how to post a letter, it's obvious something has gone very wrong somewhere along the line.

Now that host Rosie Waterland was out there living on her own as a functioning adult, she realised she didn't know as much as she thought she did about being a functioning adult. She had somehow, against all odds, made it to her late twenties, but there were just some things she had missed along the way. Filling in the missing pieces meant for some very awkward conversations with shop assistants, work colleagues and family members.

Rosie and Lisa talk about those things she missed, but Lisa isn't having a bar of some of what Rosie says.

'Mum Says My Memoir Is A Lie - The Live Event' is in Melbourne, Perth and Sydney in April and May. Tickets available now at http://www.frontiercomedy.com/rosiewaterland

Based on Rosie Waterland's book 'The Anti-Cool Girl'. Buy it here: https://rosiewaterland.com/books/

Find Rosie on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RosieWaterlandOnline/<br>Follow Rosie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rosiewaterland/<br>Follow Rosie on Twitter: https://twitter.com/rosiewaterland

Chapter 21: you will learn how to be a functioning adult, and realise you don't care about being a functioning adult

If Lisa thought there was ever going to be an episode from Rosie's book 'The Anti-Cool Girl' that was going to make her squirm, this is it. This one is about host Rosie Waterland's more adult escapades: the time she scared a penis back inside itself and the time Rosie went on her first and only Tinder date only for it to turn out very differently to how she thought it would. It's not very often that a mother and her grown daughter get to discuss sex, but here it is for all to listen to in all its glorious detail.

'Mum Says My Memoir Is A Lie - The Live Event' is in Melbourne, Perth and Sydney in April and May. Tickets available now at http://www.frontiercomedy.com/rosiewaterland

Based on Rosie Waterland's book 'The Anti-Cool Girl'. Buy it here: https://rosiewaterland.com/books/
Find Rosie on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RosieWaterlandOnline/
Follow Rosie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rosiewaterland/
Follow Rosie on Twitter: https://twitter.com/rosiewaterland

Chapter 20: someone will play Jenga with your face and their penis, and you will consider it a sexual revolution

After her time in the mental institution, Rosie had never had a healthier sense of self-worth in her entire life. She was learning how to be her own saviour, how to feel comfortable being single and how to be mentally healthy. And then there was the issue of the weight gain. It began pretty much straight after leaving hospital. The disordered eating and Rosie's attitude towards food started back in drama school, and the cycle of binging and purging and starving had been going on in the entire seven years after that. Before she knew it, Rosie had gained ninety kilos, and that was the perfect excuse to never leave her room again.

That was until she read a crappy article on the internet. In frustration, she wrote her own piece and submitted it to top Australian women's website, Mamamia. This sparked off a dramatic change in host Rosie Waterland's career and her view on life. Rosie and Lisa talk about this period of time - there are a number of issues here they clearly do not agree on. 

'Mum Says My Memoir Is A Lie - The Live Event' is in Melbourne, Perth and Sydney in April and May. Tickets available now at http://www.frontiercomedy.com/rosiewaterland

Based on Rosie Waterland's book 'The Anti-Cool Girl'. Buy it here: https://rosiewaterland.com/books/
Find Rosie on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RosieWaterlandOnline/
Follow Rosie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rosiewaterland/
Follow Rosie on Twitter: https://twitter.com/rosiewaterland

Chapter 19: you will gain ninety kilos, and it will be the best thing that has ever happened to you

Chapter 18: you will watch your mum attempt suicide, and realise that she's the only one who understands you

When a guy wearing nothing but a bedsheet as a toga pushes in front of you in the dinner line so he can get better dibs on the custard, you know you've hit rock bottom. Host Rosie Waterland's was twenty-four, and was in a mental institution. Pretty much nailing life. It all began when she found the boy - a perfect, funny, good-looking boy whom she met while at her job working at the movies. Rosie's year-long destructive partying phase was over, and this boy was the next distraction. 

Although she didn't realise it at the time, Rosie needed a disaster at this point in her life to push her down to rock bottom, so that she could finally learn how to claw her own way out and build her own life. This boy was that disaster.

When things weren't going her way in the relationship, Rosie started to panic. Her state of mind began to deteriorate rapidly and before she knew it, she was in need of serious help. Seven years after these events, Rosie now revisits this time of her life. She's two years older after having originally written about it in 'The Anti-Cool Girl', and even after such a short time some things seem different again, especially with Lisa's own personal working experience having worked as a mental health nurse.

If any of this episode causes distress or concern, please contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or at www.lifeline.org.au or contact your health care professional.

Based on Rosie Waterland's book 'The Anti-Cool Girl'. Buy it here: https://rosiewaterland.com/books/
Find Rosie on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RosieWaterlandOnline/
Follow Rosie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rosiewaterland/
Follow Rosie on Twitter: https://twitter.com/rosiewaterland

Chapter 17:  you will end up in a mental institution

Through her time at boarding school and then at drama school, host Rosie Waterland had been looked after by her uncle and aunt. Then one day, they asked her to leave. Rosie wondered if it was because they found out she had peed herself at the local supermarket. 

Rosie's uncle and aunt were wealthy. They had taken her in when life at home got out of control; they sent her to a fancy boarding school and then paid for her short time at uni and then at drama school. They helped her to keep moving with her life and even paid for Rosie to go to therapy. But Rosie's life problems were more complicated than that, and Rosie admits that she was not easy to deal with during that journey. By the time Rosie's challenges got more serious, Uncle Ben and Auntie Natasha were married with children of their own, and were itching to live life as a family.. a family that didn't include the weird, withdrawn niece who dropped out of uni and hid in her room all the time: Rosie was the odd one out. 

There was a lot going in Rosie's life at the time, and it was hard for her to work out was going in her own head, let alone including others in her struggles. Rosie and Lisa look back at the end of this time of her life, how and why it happened and what happened after that. Oh, and there is also the issue of how good Rosie is at looking after a dog.

If this episode causes any distress, please contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or at www.lifeline.org.au 

Based on Rosie Waterland's book 'The Anti-Cool Girl'. Buy it here: https://rosiewaterland.com/books/
Find Rosie on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RosieWaterlandOnline/
Follow Rosie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rosiewaterland/ 
Follow Rosie on Twitter: https://twitter.com/rosiewaterland

Chapter 16: your second set of parents will abandon you. damn.

host Rosie Waterland knew that she would chicken out. She knew it all the way through the rehearsal and all day before the first performance. It was 2006 and it was Rosie's second year at a very crappy drama school. But drama school wasn't just about learning to act, it was how Rosie found her soul mates - a like-minded community of people who wanted to laugh at life and then skip movement class to go to the pub. 

Rosie reminisces about this happy time in her life - the acting classes, going out and a mishap with a guy after a party on a golf course green. It's one thing though writing these stories for a book, but a completely different thing to read these stories out loud to your Mum.

This episode contains sex and drug themes.

Based on Rosie Waterland's book 'The Anti-Cool Girl'. Buy it here: https://rosiewaterland.com/books/
Find Rosie on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RosieWaterlandOnline/
Follow Rosie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rosiewaterland/ 
Follow Rosie on Twitter: https://twitter.com/rosiewaterland

Chapter 15: you will go to a very crappy drama school and do a very crappy naked scene

The lucky boy was Josh - a day student from the College - who host Rosie Waterland's had started dating during her final few weeks there. After a few false starts, Rosie's path of self-discovery was on. It was also a period of time Rosie realised a boyfriend could help fill a void in her life. A boyfriend could be like a dependency, like a drug: why deal with a pesky depression that was slowly overtaking your brain, when it disappears every time you snuggle into your boyfriends shoulder? Why bother learning to feel strong for yourself, when he can be strong for you?

It wasn't the best way to handle things at the time, especially when Rosie's mental health was about to turn to jelly. Josh was a loyal and caring boyfriend but the going for Rosie was rough.

If this episode causes any concerns, please contact Lifeline on 131144 or at www.lifeline.org.au 

Based on Rosie Waterland's book 'The Anti-Cool Girl'. Buy it here: https://rosiewaterland.com/books/
Find Rosie on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RosieWaterlandOnline/
Follow Rosie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rosiewaterland/ 
Follow Rosie on Twitter: https://twitter.com/rosiewaterland

Chapter 14:  you will lose your virginity, followed by your mind

The next chapter of host Rosie Waterland's life saw her living with her Uncle Ben, who enrolled her in a very fancy boarding school. At first glance, this was an amazing turn of events: from a life of constantly moving houses, situations and people to a place with steady and protective care and learning for the next three years. Rosie had never experienced so much consistency in her entire life; she thrived on this new routine. 

To start off Rosie was so, so happy. It was going to be the best time of her life.. until the bullying started. Already feeling out of place to begin with, the bullying dominated the next three years of Rosie's life. Rosie and Lisa look back on this time: how the bullying impacted Rosie then and the following chapters of her life, and how she dealt with it.

This episode contains themes that some listeners may find distressing. If it does, please contact:
Lifeline on 131114 or at https://www.lifeline.org.au/ or
Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800 or at https://kidshelpline.com.au/ 

Based on Rosie Waterland's book 'The Anti-Cool Girl'. Buy it here: https://rosiewaterland.com/books/
Find Rosie on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RosieWaterlandOnline/
Follow Rosie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rosiewaterland/ 
Follow Rosie on Twitter: https://twitter.com/rosiewaterland

Chapter 13:  you will try to fit in at a very exclusive private boarding school - and fail spectacularly

For a while there Mum, Rosie and family became a kind of gypsy family, living with whoever would take them in. Living arrangements included couches, caravans and being part of a new 'family'. After a period of moving from place to place, Lisa met someone new and their moving situation became more stable. Enter Pam The Lesbian. Pam was definitely a different kind of 'friend' for Lisa, she was besotted with Lisa. It also meant that Rosie got spoilt as Pam worked hard to impress Lisa and children. 

But that was only going to last for so long. Host Rosie Waterland's and her sisters never expected what was going to happen next: that they would be kicked out and it would be Mum kicking them out. Is it really as Rosie remembered it? And how does Lisa look back on that period of time and that ill-fated night years later? Now that they are halfway through Rosie's book 'The Anti-Cool Girl', Rosie and Lisa also talk about how their memories of the past differ.

Based on Rosie Waterland's book 'The Anti-Cool Girl'. Buy it here: https://rosiewaterland.com/books/
Find Rosie on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/RosieWaterlandOnline/
Follow Rosie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rosiewaterland/ 
Follow Rosie on Twitter: https://twitter.com/rosiewaterland

Chapter 12:  your mum will decide she is a lesbian, and she'll pick her new lover over you

"There was red stuff on Rosie's undies this morning, but you don't want to know about secret women's business." Host Rosie Waterland's was thirteen and life was the most stable it had been for a while for Rosie and family.. but this was not the type of conversation you wanted to have happen on the school bus. Her little sister spilt the beans and now everyone knew about it.

This wasn't going to be the only blood related incident that year for Rosie though: an argument between mum Lisa and partner Brian the Homeowner became a bloody one, with an urgent trip to the hospital for Lisa and a call to Rosie to rush home from a friend's place to guard the TV.

How did it get to this point? Was the blood really as bad as Rosie remembered it? And what was with the TV? Rosie and Lisa finally talk through that night for the first time, what happened to the family after that point and the pain that came with the subsequent separation of the family.

Chapter 11: you will get your first period, and it won't be the only blood you have to deal with that year

It was hard for host Rosie Waterland and her big sister to keep up appearances when mum Lisa hadn't been home in four days. After a while, others started to cotton on - including the Department of Community Services. For a while Rosie and sister stayed with relatives here and there; and then they hit the foster home jackpot: a very-well-to-do family with a big swish house AND a place in the country. Everybody kept saying how lucky they were. Until some pretty suspect things started happening.

Rosie and her big sister's time at that house ended up with a set of events that put the two young children in some very uncomfortable and confronting situations. Rosie and Lisa now get to talk about what happened at that time, how Rosie and her sister dealt with it in the months and years afterwards, and how that time now sits with Rosie years afterwards.

This episode contains themes that some listeners may find distressing. If it does, please contact Lifeline on 131114 or at https://www.lifeline.org.au/

Chapter 10: your foster dad will stick his hands down your pants, and you will feel so, so lucky

"Joooe... Jooooe! Come out, Joey baby," Rosie's mum Lisa chanted. She was trying to stab at her husband, Joe the Removalist's feet with a knife. Now it was up to a frightened young Rosie and her older sister to go and fetch help. After the passing of Rosie's dad, this was now the beginning of the end for Lisa's marriage to Joe. This point in time was also the beginning of Lisa's full decent into alcohol, often leaving Rosie and her sisters to fend for themselves. Rosie and Lisa now get to talk about that moment in time; about Lisa's then growing alcohol dependency, about that night with the knife and the recipe Rosie used to cook for herself which she still makes to this very day - "Rosie's Chicken Soup".

Rosie Waterland's 'Crazy Lady' tour is touring Australia in September and October. For tickets, head to http://www.frontiercomedy.com/rosiewaterland

Chapter 9: your mum will chase you with a butcher's knife

Host Rosie Waterland's realised at age 8 that she was never going to be one of those incredible kids on the news who manages to save the day in a time of crisis. While staying with her Dad and Grandpa in Tumut, a fall by Grandpa sparked off a series of events that ended up with the passing of Rosie's Dad. Rosie and Lisa talk about that moment in their lives and the effect that it still has on them to this day.

This episode contains elements that may cause distress. If it does, please contact Lifeline on 13 11 14, SANE Australia on 1800 18 72 63 or your GP or health care professional.

Rosie Waterland's 'Crazy Lady' tour is touring Australia in September and October. For tickets, head to http://www.frontiercomedy.com/rosiewaterland

Chapter 8: your dad will finally die, and you'll be relieved

Host Rosie Waterland's is now eight, Lisa has re-married and the family have moved out of Smurf Village. For Rosie the learning about life continues, including learning about 'special place sessions'. For most families, conversations about all things sex are uncomfortable, cringe worthy moments. For Lisa, it meant giving Rosie and her sister a book that explained it all so she wouldn't have to. Years later though and they are now sitting in a podcast studio, so they get to finish the conversation they never had about sex.

Rosie Waterland's 'Crazy Lady' tour is touring Australia in September and October. For tickets, head to http://www.frontiercomedy.com/rosiewaterland

Chapter 7: you will get caught masturbating while watching Rugrats

Rosie's life growing up also meant time in rehab. But the rehab wasn't for host Rosie Waterland's, it was for her Mum. Rehab for adults with children also mean that families can stay living together at a rehab facility while the adults get the treatment they need. Time spent at one particular rehab facility turned Rosie's life upside down though when she suddenly became cool. Rosie and Lisa finally talk through the rehab experience and what it was like from both their points of view. Why did Lisa start drinking again as soon as they left rehab? Why was rehab a constant in their lives? And what was the turning point that made Lisa re-think how she was going to live her life?

Rosie Waterland's 'Crazy Lady' tour is touring Australia in September and October. For tickets, head to http://www.frontiercomedy.com/rosiewaterland

Chapter 6: you will be in rehab several times before you're ten years old

One day, Rosie's Mum decided that they were becoming Mormons. Being a Mormon meant visits to church, bible readings and even a special day for host Rosie Waterland's sister. Why did they become Mormon? Why did the trips to church all end one day? Why did Lisa end up marrying.. in a different religion all together? Rosie uncovers some unexpected answers about Lisa's religious past for the first time.

Rosie Waterland's 'Crazy Lady' tour is touring Australia in September and October. For tickets, head to http://www.frontiercomedy.com/rosiewaterland

Chapter 5: Jesus will propose to your sister, and not you. dick.

"There's a dead guy! A dead guy!" This sighting at Smurf Village got all the children running to see. Rosie and her sister knew who it was straight away.. and it scared them. Host Rosie Waterland's dad would appear at random moments and how he turned up was different every time. What would happen when Dad would take the girls ice skating? Why were they always kicked out of the shopping centre by security? And what was Dad's way of getting ready for a picnic?

Rosie Waterland's 'Crazy Lady' tour is touring Australia in September and October. For tickets, head to http://www.frontiercomedy.com/rosiewaterland

Chapter 4: your friends will find a dead body in the bush, and it will be your dad

Life's next turn sees the family move into a Houso complex nicknamed 'Smurf Village', a place planted right in the middle of affluent suburban Sydney. But host Rosie Waterland's and family's arrival there was not straightforward: there was a short lived marriage to a Navy man, time living in Hawaii and then moving back again to Tumut. How did all this happen? Why was Lisa arrested by the military police? And how does one navigate through the cacophony of life that is 'Smurf Village'?


Rosie Waterland's 'Crazy Lady' tour is touring nationally in September and October. For tickets, head to http://www.frontiercomedy.com/rosiewaterland

Chapter 3: you will be a houso kid

It starts off with a prickly question from an attendee to host Rosie Waterland's 4th birthday party. But how is a child to know to all the answers about Mum's personal life at that age? Rosie did eventually work out that mum Lisa worked as an escort, but how Lisa got there and what she actually did has been a mystery to Rosie until now. At that same time in Lisa's life, she was also coming to terms with the fact that she was adopted out. Reuniting with her own birth mother was not all roses..

Chapter 2:  your mum will be a sex worker, and you'll have no idea

In the middle of the night host Rosie Waterland's Mum and Dad pack everything in the car and flee Sydney to escape bikie drug dealers after a deal did not exactly go to plan. Mum and Dad escape to Tumut, with Rosie in Lisa's tummy and Rosie's big sister safe in the back seat of the car. But is that what really happened on that fateful night? Lisa's recollection is somewhat different to the story Rosie has been able to piece together over the years; and fleeing Sydney in the middle of the night isn't just about getting away from bikies..

Home

Discover

Sign up for free to listen for longer

Home

Discover

Sign up for free to listen for longer

Chapter 18: you will watch your mum attempt suicide, and realise that she's the only one who understands you

Mark as played

Share

About the episode

View all episodes