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This episode is dedicated to the Ferndale Pooper and the incredible service they provide.
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265: Reviews of Skating Rinks

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264: Reviews of Drag Brunch

This week we learn what Christine thinks an erection sounds like!
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263: Reviews of Nude Beaches

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262: Reviews of Tattoo Parlors

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261: Reviews of Food Trucks

260: Barbie or Oppenheimer?

Set your reminders to listen to this episode in 2035!

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304: Reviews of Bell Towers

When you're done listening to this episode, could you bring our mom some nacho cheese?

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303: Reviews of Football Stadiums

"Prepare for rude surprises!" We're having a topsy-turvy week over here at Sandmonster HQ so please enjoy one of our favorite live shows - Washington, DC! (Full video version on Patreon!) 

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302: LIVE from Washington, DC!

Happy Good Friday! We're gonna kick you right in the ass. 

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301: Best Reviews from Tour 2024

"I know this isn't a forum to defend ourselves..." proceed to defend ourselves.

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300: REVIEWS OF BEACH TOO SANDY, WATER TOO WET

We are eagerly awaiting your powerpoint applications.

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299: Reviews of Travel Agencies

We're still not totally sure what Wisconsin Dells is...

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298: Reviews of Wisconsin Dells

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297: Between You And Us

In this episode there's a bird with a taste for human flesh and a Christine with a taste for earthworms.

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296: Reviews of Pet Supplements

Our 7/11 live show from Salt Lake City!

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295: LIVE from Salt Lake City!

Did you know we went to Catholic school?

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294: Reviews of Catholic Schools

If you see Xandy looking for compliments at your local dog groomer... no you didn't.

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293: Reviews of Dog Groomers

It's like a foot camel animorph.

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292: Reviews of Fireworks Stores

Description: 


This episode is full of hits like "Midnight in Charlotte," "Manhattan is Not My Home," and "I love HAM."

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291: Reviews of Museum Gift Shops

Only real ones can name three pollinators.

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290: Reviews of Fake Plants

We are not liable for any nightmares you might have about AI Jesus with four hands.

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289: Reviews of Pride Parades

Put your phone on Zeppelin mode and help us get this balloon out of a tree. 

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288: Reviews of Hot Air Balloon Rides

Eros hath struck you with his arrow so you have no choice but to love this episode. 

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287: Reviews of Food Delivery Services

Go go gadget penis pump! 

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 286: Reviews of Jude Law

Coming Soon to Theaters Near You: Get Out of My Swamp (And by Swamp I Mean Reality)

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285: Reviews of Shrek

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284: Reviews of Evil Sounding Drinks

Root beer milk and a great time coffin coffin thumbs up 

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283: Reviews of Small-Town Festivals

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282: Reviews of Groupons

We dedicate this episode to all the productbristas who shop online and inside the stores. No pun intended.

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281: Reviews of Mattress Stores

This episode is full of Shrek Humor. Youth groups, you've been warned! 

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280: Reviews of Immersive Experiences

Description: We're not sure who's at fault in most of these paint-and-sip debacles, but it's probably Jude Law. 

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279: Review of Paint and Sips

Jump 5 right into a gathering of Ricardo's apostles.
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 278: Reviews from 2004

Here lies Auston Powers. 
Sex? Yes please!
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277: Reviews of Chuck E. Cheese Part 2

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275: Reviews of Fad Water Bottles

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274: Reviews of Lego

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273: Reviews of Fall Out Boy

A kiss is the beginning of everything. -Nolene

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272: Reviews of Reality Dating Shows

Don't discuss this episode too much, it might make Xandy sick.

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271: Reviews of The Office

Is that Nana's bong or an empty Gatorade bottle? 
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270: Reviews of Moving Companies 

YEEEEOWWWW! 

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269: Reviews of Hot Sauces

Please don't be offended, wine freaks.
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268: Reviews of Schiefer

It's interesting to look back how my views have changed since middle school.

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267: Between You And Us

Welcome to another episode, we're your hosts LighthouseLover and HisExuberantGiraffe.
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266: Reviews of Community Colleges

Ignore what he said in the episode, you can listen to Xandy's episode on Twisted &amp; Uncorked now! https://open.spotify.com/episode/6j2w5w5Cm8jd6WGh4DSiwB?si=d2f4747cb9414e8f
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259: Glassdoor Reviews

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258: Reviews of Hair Dye

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257: Reviews of Horror Movies

256: Reviews of Naughty Halloween Costumes

255: Reviews of Pet Halloween Costumes

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254: Reviews of Corn Mazes

Read more about the issues surrounding the Florida Man meme: https://www.washingtonpost.com/made-by-history/2022/09/14/florida-men-are-notorious-heres-where-meme-came/
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/magazine/wp/2019/07/15/feature/is-it-okay-to-laugh-at-florida-man-2/
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253: Reviews of Florida Man

252: Reviews of Laser Tag

251: Reviews of Trails

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250: Reviews of Children’s Museums

Listen to Xandy on D Listers of History! https://open.spotify.com/episode/3Gc3IjTw49KV86FeDjSWo1?si=zPcz1sgyT3S-2g0RKYrZVA
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249: Reviews of Microwave Meals

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248: Best Reviews From Tour

Fun fact: hot springs in Arkansas are an aphrodisiac!
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247: Reviews of Haunted Hotels

Messy self always.
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246: Dr. Christine

This episode is NOT brought to you by Big Beef.
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245: Reviews of Topgolf

We apologize for what this episode does for Temu coffin sales.
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244: Reviews of Squishmallows

Ts and Ps for all the victims of the retail apocalypse.
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243: Reviews of Hobby Lobby

We apologize for what this episode does for holy chrism oil sales.
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242: Reviews of Smut

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241: Reviews of Whole Foods

For mormon’s sake, don’t come near Fort Schiefer. We will hit on sight.
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240: Reviews of Thrift Stores

This one goes out to all the dirty birds.
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239: Reviews of County Fairs and Porn

Tune in to find out what book is full of sexually frustrated cannibals!
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238: Twilight or Classic Literature?

I liked the ending of this episode. The part where it ended.
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237: Reviews of Classic Literature

when i saw this podcast live, there were team xandy girls in the bathroom and they wouldnt let team xtine girls enter
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236: Reviews of Twilight

Description:
The hypocrites who produced this episode will be judged by the Lord in full, LOL.
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234: Reviews of Vacation Bible Schools

Freddi Fish, Putt-Putt, Spy Fox, Pajama Sam, and Fatty Bear walk into a podcast episode...
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233: Reviews of 90s Computer Games

If every duck was a balloon, the world might be a better place.
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232: Reviews of Coachella

This week we ponder a question as old as time: Are rats in a preschool better dead or alive?
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231: Reviews of Preschools

ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM YOU MAKE MY HEART GO BOOM BOOM
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230: Reviews of Disney Channel Original Movies

Happy 4/20 to those who celebrate! Sincere apologies to those who don't...
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229: Reviews of Weed

Put your belongings in a garbage bag lined crate, throw on your enormous gardening gloves, and prepare to feel the rage COFFIN
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228: Reviews of Rage Rooms

This week we discover that Zak Bagans is just a regular normal guy!
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227: Reviews of Hallmark Movies

20 years from now Beach Too Sandy will have been consigned to the dustbin of forgotten podcasts...
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226: Reviews of 90s Sitcoms

Sending good vibes from Grandma poopy 1 2 3 4 5!
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225: Reviews of Amusement Parks

Christine's comedy might be legendary, but Hooters is no place for it.
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224: Reviews of Breastaurants

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222: Reviews of Boxed Wine

Satan? Beelzebub? Lucifer? Dana?
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221: Reviews of Valentine's Candy

Please have your kids listen to our podcast while they're too young to argue!
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220: Reviews of Church Festivals

Sul sul! Benzi Chibna Looble Bazebni Gweb.
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219: Reviews of The Sims

We'll bet you two wooden nickels MeUndies never sponsors us again.
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218: Reviews of Subscription Boxes

We've come to the conclusion that perhaps it is our listeners defecating (pun intended)
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217: Reviews of Stores that No Longer Exist

We're just hoping you don't rate your podcast based on physique and eating habits...
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216: Reviews of Gated Communities

We hope you enjoy this episode of Beach Too Sandy, Farts Too Wet!
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215: Reviews of Buffet Restaurants

276: Reviews of Rest Stops

You certainly won't be trapped psychotherapeutically while listening to this episode. Promise.
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235: Reviews of Themed Bed and Breakfasts

This week Xandy and Christine appeared on fellow Forever Dog podcast Double Threat, hosted by Tom Scharpling and Julie Klausner, to read reviews of Kid Rock's 1st Annual Fish Fry, Popeye's Village, a steampunk chocolate restaurant, and more!

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PREVIEW: Xandy and Christine on Double Threat

Christine no likey this episode. But Xandy likey very muchy!
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223: Reviews of Pawn Shops

In this episode we go deep under cover and get lost in the sauce
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214: Reviews of Wedding DJs

All hail Dong Man and the Satan Dog!
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213: Reviews of Gingerbread Houses

Fool me twice, I've gotta yelp it!
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212: Reviews of Mall Santas

Tag yourself! Xtine is Lucifer the Elf and Xandy is Bendy Naughty Boy...
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211: Reviews of Elf on the Shelf

Come ride the American Idol/Soap Opera/Hallmark Pipeline with us!
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210: Reviews of Hallmark Christmas Movies

Was Coolio talking about a Chuck E. Cheese?
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209: Reviews of Towns with Lewd Names

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Was Coolio talking about a Chuck E. Cheese?Get your Wezzle pin!!! https://store.dftba.com/collections/beach-too-sandy-water-too-wetSupport us on Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/beachtoosandyXtine's Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/shop/hauntedtofuXandy's Stream: twitch.tv/xandyschieferCheck out our Instagram: instagram.com/beachtoosandyLogo by Courtney Aventura. Theme by Mavus White.Music by PSOVOD and tyops.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Who killed a snake in here?
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260: Barbie or Oppenheimer?

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